To: "Commando" Stanley G. Campbell
From: "Crazy Eyes" Fonso
I have carefully reviewed your application to date Taffy.
Unknown to you, I have had the
K9 Date Patrol sniffing around your town.
I did contact the FBI and, as you predicted,
they returned a flawless report.
Never mind the fact that they were all swooning over you!
The fact that you attend church regularly is certainly in your favor. I also feel like your parents are stand up dogs. I appreciate that you don't blame Taffy for her past....you are right, she couldn't help it. I like that you have a good sense of humor too. I am not quite sure how I feel about you going commando when you are with my daughter. I guess we will just have to see how that goes.
I do have the ability to occasionally read minds. As long as her lips are the only things you refer to as voluptuous, and taking all things into consideration (including Taffy's feelings for you), your application has been approved. Always remember, she is MY special girl. I am letting you date her and I am the one with the "crazy eyes"!