Dear Twix

Dear Twix,

I remember the very first time I laid eyes on you.  I'm sure you don't remember because you were only 3 weeks old.  You were the only chocolate doxie in the litter and I fell in love with you right away.  I picked you up and held you and my heart melted.  I knew we were meant to be together because you laid in my hand and fell asleep...on your back.  It was hard for me to leave you that evening but I knew you would be my girl soon.  Three weeks later, I picked you up even though I thought it was too early for you to leave your Mom.  You cried all the way to our house and at the time I didn't know what was wrong but now I know it was because you didn't like riding in the car.

That first night in my new apartment is one I will never forget.  You woke me up in the middle of the night kneading my stomach and looking for something to eat.  And again, my heart melted.  You were quite the stubborn little girl; good thing for you that your big brother, Max, had trained me well.  You proved to me the reason doxies are known for being hard to potty break.  It didn't take me long to learn what a smart little girl you were.  You would watch me when I picked up your poop and flushed it and pretty soon you were pooping right next to the toilet....that still makes me giggle. You made it very apparent to me that you did not approve of being left in your crate while I went to work by moving that crate clear across the room while you were in it!

 

And when your daddy came into our lives you were not too happy about it.  You cried when we kissed and you would steal his bread and butter right off his plate.  You and he grew to love each other and became inseparable.  You became his dog and he became your daddy.  You took care of him and he took care of you.  He says it was because you two bonded while I was in the hospital.  However it happened doesn't really matter to me.  I'm glad you and he were able to find each other.  Did you know you were born on Father's Day?  I think that is very fitting knowing how much you loved your daddy. 

 
Then, several years ago, you got very sick with pancreatitis.  I have never seen a dog as sick as you were.  We thought we were gonna lose you back then.  We weren't sure how you'd be each day when we went to visit you at the doggie hospital but one day, finally, you showed a little excitement when we showed up and when I saw your tail wag I knew you would pull through.  Everything became very clear to me the day we got to bring you home.  As your doctor handed me your bill I said, "I'm scared to see this." and her reply was, "Teresa, I thought you were gonna have this bill and no dog to take home."  That is how sick you were, Baby Girl, even the vet thought you weren't gonna make it. 
 

It seems to me that illness changed you, kind of like how sometimes when people get very sick they just aren't the same person they were.  I don't mean changed you in a bad way either.  It just seemed like your health was never the same and you got sick much easier and more often.  It seems like you aged faster than normal as well.  I'm not complaining one bit, Peanut, I loved every minute we spent together. 

This past year has been a tough one, hasn't it?  I thought we were going to lose you again this past winter when you stopped eating.  Thankfully, we didn't.  You have some great blog friends that gave me some terrific ideas to get you to eat.  And then we brought your sister, Taffy, home and suddenly you became much more interested in food.  I tell everyone Taffy saved your life.  I wish she could have found a way to keep you here longer but I'm being selfish. 

I have been telling myself that I stopped helping you with your blog because life was crazy but today I realized it was because you were changing and no longer the happy girl that everyone loves.  You've had good days and bad days the past few months but Daddy and I have watched your enjoyment of life vanish along with the sparkle in your eyes.  You haven't really been present for the past several weeks and that was why Daddy and I helped you go to the bridge this morning.  I hope you understand.

I found this poem online today and it says perfectly how I think you felt this morning. 

FROM FRIEND TO FRIEND

You're giving me a special gift,

So sorrowfully endowed,

And through these last few cherished days,

Your courage makes me proud.

But really, love is knowing

When your best friend is in pain,

And understanding earthly acts

Will only be in vain.

So looking deep into your eyes,

Beyond, into your soul,

I see in you the magic, that will

Once more make me whole.

The strength that you possess,

Is why I look to you today,

To do this thing that must be done,

For it's the only way.

That strength is why I've followed you,

And chose you as my friend,

And why I've loved you all these years...

My partner 'til the end.

Please, understand just what this gift,

You're giving, means to me,

It gives me back the strength I've lost,

And all my dignity.

You take a stand on my behalf,

For that is what friends do.

And know that what you do is right,

For I believe it too.

So one last time, I breathe your scent,

And through your hand I feel,

The courage that's within you,

To now grant me this appeal.

Cut the leash that holds me here,

Dear friend, and let me run,

Once more a strong and steady dog,

My pain and struggle done.

And don't despair my passing,

For I won't be far away,

Forever here, within your heart,

And memory I'll stay.

I'll be there watching over you,

Your ever faithful friend,

And in your memories I'll run,

...a young dog once again.

In Memory of Asta, Feb. 1997

(c) Karen Clouston

I hope you know how much we love you. I hope you know we will see each other again. I hope you know that even though my heart is broken it gives me comfort to know that you are no longer trapped and unhappy. I hope you've already found your friends who have gone before you at the Rainbow Bridge and are running and playing with them.  Oh, Twix, you are my Sweet Baby Girl and always will be. I love you and miss you so very much.

All my love forever and ever,
Momma

 Twix

06/20/1999 - 09/24/2011